


Raisin' Hell

by goodplay



Category: South Park
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gay, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 08:10:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14765819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodplay/pseuds/goodplay
Summary: For the first time ever, Raisin's has hired a male worker. That man's name? Damien Thorn. It seems like an easy job at first, but then Damien gets caught up with all the drama, gossip and then happens to develop a crush on one of the new regulars, who's a major cutie.





	Raisin' Hell

There were some major perks to being the son of Satan.

1\. Evil Satanic Powers.

I mean, who wouldn't love having the ability to conjure up hellbeasts and setting things on fire whenever you pleased? Hell, Damien knew HE loved it.

2\. Being literal royalty.

Seriously, some of the most evil people in Hell treated Damien with respect, and all because he was the son of Satan. Sure he was the son of Satan, but he was treated like a king.

There were plenty of other perks, but Damien could only think of how much being the son of Satan sucked major donkey ass.

Some of the more evil kids at his school (like Eric Cartman, for instance) would literally die to have his powers, but if Damien was being completely honest about his feelings (and he almost never was), he had grown somewhat attached to his simple mountain life. The mere thought sounded completely gay, so Damien rarely admitted it, even to himself, because that was embarrassingly gay. Of course, Damien was gay, but that was besides the point.

Speaking of gay, the end of the school year was coming up, and what was usually an exciting time for all South Park High School students, Damien felt... uneasy. This would be his last full Summer in South Park, he would be a junior next year, but after junior year, he'd be moving back permanently in Hell in order to take over the throne. It was what every edgy kid ever dreamed of, and as edgy Damien was, he found that he did not want this throne. A small part of Damien wanted the typical white-picket fence life, but a much larger part of Damien, the one everyone sees, just 'really didn't want to take over the throne, because that would be lame'.

With the summer on the horizon, the South Park children would absolutely not shut up about finding jobs. Damien thought this was some new fad, until Butters told him.

_"No, silly, a job is like, you working for someone else and getting paid for it, and getting money in return."_

And so, in a children-show like manner, Damien learned what a 'job' was. Damien thought maybe he should get one, to somewhat fit in and conform, or something. Not that he cared about fitting it, but still, he might as well get one and see what all the fuss was about.

_"Are you getting a job, Butters?"_

_"Oh, of course. My parents said that if I don't get a job, I'll be grounded."_

Damien had decided that he'd look into this whole 'getting a job' shin-dig. Earth money was hard to come by, and honestly, how hard could finding a summer job be?

Of course, it had been summer. And like most kids his age, Damien had fallen into a pit of this feeling that's called 'laziness', and 'forgetting responsibilities'.

See, Damien lived alone, in a shabby apartment. He got away with this because his father paid for it, in fact, Satan let Damien get away with a lot, more than he should probably be allowed to. It was only after binge-watching Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars, did Damien remember...

"Oh fuck, I was supposed to be looking for a job."

It was evening, the time Damien usually woke up, now that it was summer. He wasn't sure how many days have passed, since all those girly drama shows he's been watching obscured his reality and concept of time, but he saw that it's been over a month and something days. Damien still hasn't looked for a single job since he thought it would, but now, he decided he better try to before the better jobs get taken.

Damien did a quick online search, typing 'jobs in my area', and searching several websites. Most jobs were looking full-time, much to Damien's dismay. It seemed that the other South Park kids took all of Damien's potential jobs, something the rednecks in South Park ought to get up in arms about.

This was, in the words of Eric Cartman, "seriously weak." What was he supposed to do now?

After several 'next page' options later, Damien saw it, clear as day.

A Raisins ad, on his computer. They hired kids his age, Damien had remembered hearing about this place. One of his classmates, Wendy, was currently trying to boycott the place, claiming it was 'degrading to women', and that it was 'fetishizing young girls', both of which, were true, but the place was still standing. Damien skimmed over the job requirements, assuming it didn't take much to work at Raisin's, and clicked the 'apply now', button. Damien filled out a small application, filling out a few important information, and he was a bit surprised he had to send in a resume (his was a work-in-progress, but he sent it anyway). After filling out the rest of application, and picking two references (his dad, and Steve Jobs) the page showed a thank you message, saying it would call him to let him know if he should come in for an interview. Feeling accomplished for the day, Damien began to watch some basic ass Netflix show.

Unknowing to what chaos he unleashed at Raisins.

* * *

"Thank you for coming to Raisins, have a stupendous day, cutie!" Heidi waved to yet another boy customer. The last customer of the day, as today, Raisins was closing at 6PM. Lexus walked up to Heidi, and tsk-tsked.

"Now Heidi, you're a great gal, the guys love you, and you're adorable. But 'stupendous' is too big of a word, try to use a more easily-understandable word, like, I don't know. Great?"

"Great is good!" Mercedes piped up, smiling.

"Or maybe even wonderful, I think you'd like that word. Also, great job remembering to say 'cutie'! Keep up the good work, girlfriend." Porsche smiled, patting Heidi's back.

"Oh, I'm sorry gals. I'll try to remember next time, I swear. Thanks you guys." Heidi smiled, a solemn smile. While Heidi worked at Raisins, she sure hoped that one day, she could move onto greater things... Like working at the Panera Bread from across the street, for example.

"Alright, I finished cleaning the tables, I'm leaving." Red, who was the most hot-tempered of the girls, was ready to storm out of that place, but Mercedes stopped her.

"Ah, ah, ah. I'd like to have a small word with you. Red, we really need you all to stop swearing so much at the customers, it's very... not lady-like. Just try to be more sweet when talking to the customers."

"Oh, and act like you're interested in what they have to say! What helps me, is I just imagine that Leonardo DiCaprio is talking instead. It helps a  _lot."_ Lexus advised.

"Yeah, yeah, sure OK." Red rolled her eyes, "can I go now?"

"Well, sure, by all means." Mercedes pursed her lips.

"Have a great day, cutie!" Porsche waved goodbye, as Red walked out the door. The others looked at Porsche curiously, who appeared to be in a daze. "What? Oh, oopsie, I did that by instinct."

"Well that's what makes you such a great worker. Loving that workers' attitude, girl!" Mercedes beamed.

"Great thing, too. Because our jobs aren't over yet." Lexus began, then stared at Heidi. "Heidi, would you mind helping us look over some applicants?"

Heidi, who spaced out, looking at the Panera Bread from across the street, jumped a bit at the mention of her name. "Huh?"

"Don't worry," Mercedes laughed, "it's nothing like a formal application review. We mostly just look at the applicants information and judge them."

"Yeah, c'mon! It'll be fun." Porsche smiled.

"Oh... okay!" Heidi wasn't sure what the main Raisin girls thought of her, but now she thought they must think she's an amazing worker. The four girls hovered over Lexus's expensive laptop, glancing at the online applications. Laughs were shared, gossip was spread, tea was spilled... it was wonderful. Heidi felt she truly connected with these three girls.

"I'm sorry, but we can't hire Annie Knitts." Porsche shook her head, and Mercedes raised a brow.

"Why not? She's pretty cute." Mercedes commented.

"Yeah, but she's way too innocent." Porsche explained, and they all nodded. Heidi wondered what they thought about her when  _she_  submitted her application.

"Oh, hey, check this out. 'Damien'. That's an interesting girls' name." Lexus clicked on the application, and Heidi raised a brow.

Damien? Damien Thorn? He was a guy... What was he doing applying at Raisin's?

By now, Lexus, Mercedes, and Porsche must have figured this out, because their eyes were wide. They looked unsure.

"Are you serious? A guy working at Raisin's?" Mercedes faked a gag.

"Like seriously, that is NOT happening. Though he is cute, judging by his headshot." Lexus smiled dreamily.

"Lexus!" Porsche rolled her eyes, "well, we can't hire a guy. It just doesn't make any sense."

"Well, why not?" Heidi chimed in, and the other three girls stared at Heidi, looking for some sort of explanation. "Uhm, well... I was just thinking. There's a lot of gay guys in our town, plus it could also mean more female customers as well. I think it could help make Raisin's seem more progressive, as well as expand our revenue."

Lexus, Mercedes, and Porsche blinked. Then, they stared at each other, and whispered among themselves. Oh no, did Heidi upset them? She just hoped they weren't discussing her getting fired, it was just a mere idea...!

Finally, Mercedes spoke up. "Heidi. I'm not sure what the word 'revenue' means, but that is a GREAT idea."

"I know! I'm so upset I didn't think of it before." Porsche smacked her head, feeling dumb.

"I can't believe we got so upset in the first place. We've got to hire this dude. Plus, look here. It says he can create fire upon command." Mercedes clapped her hands excitedly.

"That's hot!" Porsche grinned, and the four girls now all seemed happy. Heidi let out a nervous laugh.

"I'm glad you girls like my idea!" Heidi combed her fingers through her hair nervously.

"OK, but seriously, I'm gonna call him." Lexus began walking towards the phone.

"NO! Me, me, me!" Porsche dashed towards the phone.

"I'll catch up with you girlies, in a sec." Mercedes smiled, then looked at Heidi.

"Heidi, great job today. You're free to go home." Mercedes pulled Heidi into a hug, which Heidi returned.

"Thanks, girlfriend. See you later!" Heidi grabbed her bag, which she had placed down on the floor, and walked out the back door.

Heidi wasn't sure what was going to happen, but she felt like this new addition to Raisin's would be... interesting, if anything.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this first chapter doesn't have a whole lot of Damien, but next chapter def will. I wrote this all in one sitting, so tell me what y'all think. Also, Pip will appear next chapter too.


End file.
